"Am I alone with the thoughts that I have?
I'm afraid that I'm scared of myself

Am I the only one to doubt who I am?
Wish I was someone else

Everytime I try to swim, it pulls me,
pulls me deeper down

Everytime I try to fly, it holds me,
holds me to the groud

It tells me I'm a freak,
drains me,
the monster inside of me
Freak
Save me

The enemy is inside of me

Would be easier to fight someone else
than the war I fight within

It's impossible to hide from yourself
Where do I begin?

Everytime I dare to dream it wakes me,
wakes me with a cry

Everytime I dare to love it hates me,
hates me 'til it dies

It tells me I'm a freak,
drains me,
the monster inside of me
Freak
Save me

The enemy is inside of me

Screaming, laughing, the voice is inside my head

Freak, silent echo inside my head

Love me, can you even love at all
show me, show me what I ought to know

Mirror, mirror mirror on the wall
tell me, tell me that I'm beautiful

It tells me I'm a freak,
drains me,
the monster inside of me

Freak
drains me
the monster inside of me
Freak
Save me
The enemy is inside of me

It tells me I'm a freak"

Freak, Molly Sandén.

(Taken from http://lyricstranslate.com/en/molly-sandén-freak-lyrics.html#ixzz3BWskYZ4S)

There's a lump in my stomach.

Pain, growing bigger and bigger for each day passing.

Thinking about what, and who I miss,

Thinking about who will never know about my existence,

Thinking about pain, my pain, in general makes the lump in both stomach and chest grow and drag me down, make me feel heavy.

Feeling nothing is the worst feeling.

"Jag saknar dig" brukade vara något som jag älskade att höra.

Det betydde att personen tänkte på mig och mådde lite sämre utav att inte vara i min närvaro.

Det betydde att personen i fråga tänkte på mig, ville ha mig i sin närvaro, prata med mig och även tyckte att jag var någon.

Men när det blev så att jag fick höra det varje dag,

av samma person,

och fortfarande bli ignorerad,

så tappade det all betydelse.

"Jag saknar dig" är något som jag skakar av mig, för jag vet, att så är inte fallet.

Jag saknar honom så mycket att det gör ont.

Mitt hjärta vill skriva till honom sekunden efter att han svarat,

men hjärnan säger behandla honom som han behandlar dig.

Och det innebär att vänta några timmar, eller dagar innan jag svarar honom,

ge korta svar,

och gärna läsa meddelandet utan att ge ett svar.

Det värsta är att han förväntar sig att jag ska svara helst samma minut som han skriver.

Han förväntar sig alltid att jag ska vara där,

på andra änden redo för att svara.

Han tänker inte på att snart kanske jag inte finns där längre.

Jag vill försvinna ett tag,

få honom att inse att jag inte alls kommer att finnas där hela tiden om detta fortsätter.

Men jag kan inte.

I havn't really exactly felt the need to post what's on my mind,

but,

since the blog is made for just that i feel like i atleast had to try.

Todays headline is: MOVIES

Why? Because Movies suck.

And not just because they're boring, but also because they're lies.

To everyone.

From early age girls, (and boys,) are thought how to be, about the prince charming and love. - Making everyone think it will be easy.

But NEWS OF THE DAY, life is nothing like in the movies, nor books.

There's no prince charming, and even if there was he wont just come walking in to our lives, and he will for sure not stay in our lives.

Love is complicated, and I thought love was something i wanted. - someone to cuddle with, hug, kiss and someone to protect me.

But now when I had that for a moment, well, atleast some of it, I don't want it. It scares me, mostly cause it was not my prince charming.

My prince charming lives across the world, and he sure does not miss me.

Life is nothing like in the movies.

I, for once, want a movie to actually show how life is.

Complicated, miserable, sad and hard.

To live life is not something anyone would have to be professional at, but it's just that... it gets hard sometimes, because life is a rollercoaster, and you have to be strong to handle it.

And some people say they're not, which they can show up somewhere.

Cause to be honest, everyone's strong. NO PITY PARTY!!!!!

But the, "I'm worthless" ? That's not working.

BECAUSE, either everyone's worthless or no one is.

Pick one.

I've thought about creating my own blog for quite a while now, since I, most of the time, clear my mind by writing down all my thoughts on a word-document.

But now, I feel like it's time to share.

Not only my feelings, nor my thoughts, but also my opinions,

about mostly everything.

I'm not a person who tries to make anything look better than what it is, because even though we might want things to be better than they are, they're not.

In my blog I'm going to write everything, in maybe a brutal, but honest way.

My way.

Like it, or not.

It's not going to be these short, 5 sentences long texts either.

They're going to be long.

Read them, or not.